All Things CODI - Classic Quotes

Quotes | Songs and Poetry

The Irony of iPAC, HIP, HAS, etc.

The iPAC list, dedicated to users and system administrators around the world, becomes itself a forum for the ridiculous and the sublime while trying to keep up with the idosyncracies of the product. We know the interface can be colorful, what is not always obvious is that the people behind the interfaces are quite creative as well!

Quotes

I mean, really, for a library that serves of population of under 150,000 with less that 15,000 registered borrowers Horizon seems like using a Howitzer to kill a gnat.-- Judy McBrian

There are holes in my wall from where I banged my head before giving up and calling Dynix. Turns out I should have spared my head and the wall because there were some internal problems that Dynix needed to fix before Best Sellers would work in other profiles. Once those were fixed everything went well. My recommendation is to call Dynix before you injure your head and wall. :-)-- Gair Helfrich

I think Dynix ought to organize the patches better. Hopefully we won't see HIP 212abcdefg is ready and it fixes the water leakeage but it requires HIP 212abcdeff to make sure the pipe is there. -- Bin Yu

This list has more analogies than HIP has bugs. -- James Day

So when big messages pile up like quarters on a sliding-shelf game, it's pretty easy to drop a quarter that knocks a dozen more loose. Nice if they're quarters, annoying if they're email digests :-)-- Ben Ostrowsky

Have you verified that there aren't any of those java threads that stay around like an unwanted visitor?-- Brenda Evanetich

We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same Horizon. -- K. Adenauer

I don't know if that character will translate across email clients, so I'd describe it as two subscript plus signs, or half of a railroad track running horizontally, or a delimiter laid flat by the spring winds. :) -- Natasha Stephan

May you all live simply with uncomplicated lives (and ipacs). -- Susan Johns-Smith

My mistake ... played with matches. -- Mark Harris
People back in my home country say the same thing with more severe warning -- You'll get killed. -- Bin Yu

The Songs and Poetry of Dynix

An der Dynix - Ode to Dynix
by Paul-James von Wilson zu Sybrowski, distant cousin of Friedrich von Schiller
(submitted by John Hurley)

Dynix schoene Goetterfunken
"Software" aus dem Utahland
Wir betrteten feuertrunken
Wenn sie bringt der "dot command"!

Deine Zauber machen arbeit,
Mit der Buecher sehr einfach.
Alle Menschen brauchen keyboards
Keine Maeuser haben wir.
Marquis bringt neue Methoden
Mit der GUI und Sybase.

Ihr sturzt unter Horizonen
Die aus Marquis word gebor'n?
Wartern auf die Holly Harvey
Sie bringt Dynix Function!

Wann Ausgabe acht punkt null kommt,
Kommt die Freude an dem Land.
Dynix mischt mit der Horizon
Froehlichkeit in deiner Hand.
Dann bewegt all' von Dynix.

Translation

Dynix - Beautiful Radio of the Gods
Software from Utah
We set foot in fiery drinks
When she brings the dot command
Your magic makes work
With books very easy
All people need keyboards
We have no mice
Marquis brings new methods
With the GUI and Sybase

Who was born of Marquis
Wait for Holly Harvey
She brings Dynix Function
When release 8.0 comes
Comes Joy to the Land
Dynix mixes with Horizon
Happiness in your hand
Then everyone moves away from Dynix

Horizon, and Horizon, and Horizon,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of Log Express;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to Triple I.
Out, out, fickle customer!
Thy custom art but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. This is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
-- Steven Heywood,
from Shakespeare's "MacArden",
The soliloquoy on his presentation to the DUG/HUG Conference.

Alas, poor Dynix!
We knew it well, Douglas, a system of infinite challenges, of most excellent understanding.
It hath bore us through patron problems a thousand times, and now how abhorr'd to Epixtech it is!
Their gorge rises at it.
Here were those menus that we have used I know not how oft.
Where be your dot commands now, your searches, your patron blocks, your flashes of "illegal function," that were wont to set a new clerk in a tizzy?
Not one to mock your own upgrades - you have no more.
Now, get you to the computer heaven, and tell Epixtech, let them extol Horizons virtues, to the same fate it will come, and we laugh at that.
Good night, sweet Dynix, and flights of MP3s sing thee to thy rest.
-- Jennifer Mitchell

Pennsylvania Dutch Dynix
Here in the Pennsylvania Dutch Country "vee say it different'" -- Bryan Leithiser

Dynix ist kaput da' say
Horizon ist der new vay
Bill says das is gut yah
All is gut vee should say.

Vee try der new und ous' mit der ould
Tee trouble und say bold
Bill fix der bugs und make it snappy
Don't make us no more unhappy.

Vee vait till Horizon ist bug free
Vee vait till then und then vee see
Till then Bill keep die promise true
Keep Dynix vorkin' jus' like new.

"Waltzing With Bears"

Our Classic Dynix's not right in the head
He's been that way all his life, MisterJack Blount has said
It's not that he's violent or falls in the grate
It's just he is so much out of date.

CHORUS: He is out, out of date, so much out of date
When he was born the OS wasn't so great
So all of us now must face up to our fate:
Our poor old Dynix is quite out of date.

I went and logged in in the middle of the night
I tried to get info and paled at the sight
And to my chagrin Recall wasn't so great
For my Classic Dynix is quite out of date.

CHORUS: He is out, out of date, so much out of date
When he was born the OS wasn't so great
So all of us now must face up to our fate:
Our poor old Dynix is quite out of date.

We gave Classic Dynix a new upgrade to wear
When I tried to log in it thought I wasn't there
Lately I've noticed bad internal dates
I think my Classic Dynix is quite out of date.

CHORUS: He is out, out of date, so much out of date
When he was born the OS wasn't so great
So all of us now must face up to our fate:
Our poor old Dynix is quite out of date.

We told Mister Blount that he should be good
And do all the things that we think he should
But I think that he may be lost in the wood
I'm afraid we might lose Classic Dynix for good

CHORUS: He is out, out of date, so much out of date
When he was born the OS wasn't so great
So all of us now must face up to our fate:
Our poor old Dynix is quite out of date.

We begged and we pleaded, "Oh please won't you stay"
And managed to keep him alive for a day
But Horizon barged in and they took him away

Now he's running on Sequel
We're mousing to beat hell
And the bugs all demand at least one fix a day

CHORUS: He is out, out of date, so much out of date
When he was born the OS wasn't so great
So all of us now must face up to our fate:
Our poor old Dynix is quite out of date.
-- Mike Doellman

I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my hope, forgone all custom of exercises;
and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, this Dynix, seems to me a sterile promontory;

This most excellent system, this Dynix, look you, this brave o'ertowering program, this majestical automation system, fretted by inner fire, why, it appears no other thing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.

What a piece of work is here!
How noble in Recall!
how infinite in file system!
in CIRC, in ACQ, how express and admirable!
in CAT how like an angel!
in reports how like a god!
the beauty of the world! the paragon of ILSes!

And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?
Horizon delights not me;
no, nor Triple I neither, though, by your smiling, you seem to say so.
-- Mike Doellman

Shall I compare thee to Horizon, aye?
Thou wer'st more featured and more functional
Migrations shake the users far away
And Jack Blount's lease hath all too short a date
Sometime too hot the Triple-I it shines
And often Dynix' gold complexion dimmed
And every show's attendance was declined
By chance or Aleph's changing course untrimmed.

But thy eternal summer shall note face
Nor lose affection of th'old user host
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st
So while librarians breathe or eyes can see
So long lives Dynix, Dynix R.I.P
-- Rob Smith

Quotes From a Memorable Horizon Trainer

I forget what I've said when I haven't.
... we have this wonderful messy thing...
I am an absolute weird controller.
I'm like a little robot, back and forth.
Thumb pointer! Thumb pointer!
... very fluid, very easy, very happy...
...that little groove in the brain...
These are gifts from Horizon.
...horrendously fat blink...
The groove kind of blends.
I'm hearing happy sounds.
That's just pure personality!
I'm a new little kid in your library and I want to be a borrower.
You can't see the things in front of your face.
You're the driver. They're the dancers.
... a couple of fun things about Windows...
All these beautiful fields...
Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!
Oh well, here we go again.

And the mother of all quotes...

The burning core center of Horizon is PAC

-- Kenton Daniels

If you have users who don't want to smile
Cause they've been waiting just a little while
Take my advice, by the end of the day
They'll see things in a different way

Just keep promising it tomorrow
Just swear: "It'll soon be here!
It'll be better than before."
Duck and move on, duck and move on...

Tell them: "Think about 8.1
And not about the things that we've done
If Dynix's been bad to you
Just think what tomorrow we'll do!"

Just keep promising it tomorrow
Just swear: "It'll soon be here!
It'll be better than before."
Duck and move on, duck and move on...

If you have users who don't want to smile
Cause they've been waiting just a little while
They may not believe that it's true
We own the lists now, so what can they do?

Just keep promising it tomorrow
Just swear: "It'll soon be here!
It'll be better than before."
Duck and move on, duck and move on...

Don't you talk back
Don't you talk back...

-- Ben Ostrowsky, to the tune of Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)", http://members.tripod.com/~FMFanatic/midifiles.html

This page last updated 09 March 2017 03:35:12 PM